You
may be asked to help in preparing a
Meal
of Consolation
Compiled &
Coordinated by Carla Goldman and Linda Howard
The shivah
period begins after the interment with a simple meal, the se'udat havra'ah, the
meal of consolation. This meal, traditionally provided the Menachem Avelim
Committee and by family and friends for the mourners, is not meant to be a
social gathering following the funeral. Since it is a time to rest and
contemplate the day's events, only family and closest of friends should attend.
A party-like atmosphere should not be allowed to develop.
The menu for
this meal traditionally includes hard-boiled eggs, a symbol of life, and simple
foods. Neither meat nor wine, two symbols of joy, should be served at this meal.
Mourners
are not obligated to have food or drink available for those who come to visit.
No one is
prepared for a death in the family. Respect the family's privacy and overlook
and keep confidential the state of kitchen cupboards, drawers and the overall
cleanliness of the house. Especially during a period of illness, such issues are
rarely paramount in a family's thoughts. You would want the same respect shown
to you in similar circumstances. No
family is treated differently than others. We cover the family’s needs whether it is 5 or 45.
Set up and
Clean up
As
preparations are made, be sure to keep in mind special dietary issues, both
medical and kashrut.
Ø
Paper and
pen available to record "who brings what".
Ø
Pitcher of
water, bowl, paper towels and trash container outside front door for washing
hands.
Ø
If needed, a
sign on front door requesting that guests remove their shoes as/before entering.
Ø
Signs
indicating "regular" and "decaf" coffee.
Ø
Beverages,
meal and sweets served buffet style.
Ø
Since the
meal is primarily for the family, be sure the family is seated first. Consider
placing a "Reserved for Family" sign on dining room table so that
family has a place to sit together.
Ø
The Menachim
Avalim will do all the preparation and Friends (with the assistance of paid
help, if desired) should do all the clean up so that the bereaved family does
not have to take care of these details.
Supplies
In
addition to the foods that are baked, made or purchased by various friends, the
following should be on hand: salt,
pepper,
sugar and cream
coffee makers, coffee (regular
& decaf),
soda pop / ice, Paper
towels for outside and kitchen, aluminum foil, plastic wrap /
serving utensils and platters,
garbage bags, plates:
dinner and dessert / napkins / plastic
ware: knives, forks and spoons, cups for
hot and cold beverages
How much do we need?
Meal
of consolation for 50 (a sample menu)
Salt
and pepper , Coffee: regular and decaf , Sugar
and cream , Ice,
Soda pop, Water, Breads, Tuna salad - 2 large salad bowls, Assorted vegetables- usually asparagus, snow peas, tomato, olives green and black, cucumber
Deviled
egg, Cheese, creamed,
tray,
Hard-boiled eggs 2 or 3 dozen
Noodle kugel - 2 or 3 large (9" x 13" pan),
Fruit - Sweets such as coffeecakes,
cookies, bars and brownies.