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| Praised are You O Lord our
God king of the universe Who has brought me to this time
when our child assumes the obligation of the mitzvoth. |
Barukh ata adonai eloheinu melekh haolam
shepratani meansho shel zeh. |
Page 142 in Siddur Sim Shalom
Recently I attended a Bar Mitzvah party. There was
the loud band and the open bar. There was a candle lighting ceremony
and beautiful centerpieces. The theme was one that centered around
sports and I was seated at the "Skate Board" table with a number
of our friends. Just as we were about to begin eating the parents
of the Bar Mitzvah boy got up to thank all of the guests for coming
and sharing in this special day. Then, like thousands of parents
before them they spoke of how proud they were of the all their
son had
accomplished. They spoke of his mastery of leading the congregation
in worship; they spoke of what a good student he is and they spoke
of his good heart. Though I have watched listened to this same
speech countless times I was touched nonetheless.
This bracha is recited by the parents of a child
at their Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Literally the words of this bracha should
be translated as, "Praised are You O Lord our God king of the
universe Who has relieved me of this responsibility." The thought
behind this formulation is that until the age of Bar/Bat Mitzvah
the parents have the obligation to instill in their child the
values of leading a life of Torah and Miitzvot. The parents are
required to instruct their children in how they are supposed to
behave. As the prophet teaches, "Instruct a child when they are
young and when they are old they will not stray from that teaching."
But at some point we must let go.
Though the age of thirteen is young to completely
relinquish responsibility, there is a distancing that begins to
occur and though it is painful, it is necessary and healthy. Before
we cut the umbilical cord entirely, we must make sure that we
have given our children the proper tools for adulthood. Possibly
we should view the age of Bar/Bat Mitzvah not as the end of childhood
and the beginning of adulthood but rather as the introduction
to a stage of development in which we make a concerted effort
to instill values and morals.
The tradition says, now they will be held accountable
before God for their actions. We realize they are finally beginning
to stand on their own and we have just a few more years before
they leave the home. This bracha reminds us, time is running out.
If we are going to teach our children about what is truly important.
If we are going to insure the survival of our people through our
progeny, then we must make real the lessons of our past. At some
point we will have to let go. At some point in the not to distant
future we will no longer be able to protect our children from
the challenges they will face. Soon our kids will go it alone.
If they have understood the message of national survival they
will take our history seriously and then we will be able to sit
back and watch as they grow, and have the confidence to know at
least they will be able to confront the obstacles of life with
the convictions of our people.
Copyright © 2001 Rabbi
Yohanan Stein. All rights reserved.
New Jersey Region United Synagogue
of Conservative Judaism
PO Box 390; 1025 St. Georges
Ave
Linden, NJ 07036-0390
Phone: 908-925-USCJ (8725)
/ Fax: 908-486-USCJ (8725)
E-mail: njersey@uscj.org
Copyright © 2000 -
2003 New Jersey USCJ. All rights reserved.
Last Updated: July 2003
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