Two Minute Torah Podcast

Hayei Sarah 5773 by Rabbi Ilana Garber

Shalom, this is Rabbi Ilana Garber. I am a rabbi at Beth El Temple in West Hartford, CT. Welcome to KOACH's Two-Minute Torah - a project of the College Department of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism.

In Parshat Hayei Sarah, we meet Rebecca at the well. I love this story because Rebecca is so kind; she offers water to the servant and without being asked she offers water to his camels as well. She is the epitome of kindness and quite literally the answer to the servant's prayers. Ultimately she is brought home to Isaac, and they meet in the fields in a dramatic, yet modest, scene. Isaac takes Rebecca into the tent of his deceased mother, Sarah, and he is finally comforted in his mother's death. It might sound like a strange first date, but it was the biblical way of going from one generation to another, and I see great beauty in this.

What challenges me is the blessing Rebecca's family offers to her before she leaves them. In Genesis 24:60 her relatives say: achotaynu at hayee l'alfay r'vava, o sister, may you grow into thousands of myriads. In other words, may you have many children and may your children have children and so on. It's a beautiful blessing and it's one that we say today to brides at the bedeken ceremony when we veil them before a wedding. And, as our commentator in Etz Hayim notes, this is the same kind of blessing that God bestowed on Abraham after the binding of Isaac. But is this blessing really what Rebecca wants to hear as she is nervously leaving her family and heading off to an unknown land to marry a stranger? Is it necessarily what all brides want to hear on their wedding day?

What about the women (and men) who do not want children? What about those who find they are unable to have children? What about those of us - myself included - who find we are carriers of genetic mutations that we don't want to pass on to future generations? These are all questions that we would not have asked of Rebecca's family, but we can certainly ask today, and I think we must in order to be more aware of each person's personal situation and needs and desires.

As a rabbi, I might still offer this blessing to brides, because on the wedding day we hope the bride and groom will grow into lots - lots of great friends, lots of wonderful days, and lots of blessings - to name a few. But I would suggest we be more sensitive when offering blessings about procreation, because it is not easy or desired by all.

Just a note about genetic diseases: here's my public service announcement to everyone who might wish to have children - get tested. There are Jewish genetic diseases like Tay Sachs and there are many more syndromes and mutations, like Fragile X. Even if you've never heard of something or you have no family history, new problems can appear in each generation. Talk to your doctor before thinking about having children.

Take a lesson from Rebecca: always be kind, and strive to grow to your fullest potential.