Why Should I Give that Nice Jewish Boy a Chance?

By Leemor Dotan KOACH Midwest Fieldworker

When I was asked to write about dating in a Jewish world, I honestly could not think of one stimulating point to discuss…. dating is dating and what more can I say about that! (I know some of my friends would beg to differ with me). We all have our war stories, some even romantic and successful. And with all the new internet conveniences, dating has become more computerized than passionate.

However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that dating in the Jewish world really can be more challenging and more perplexing than other dating experiences. I say this because you are making a choice to date someone with whom you have something significant in common. So, you ask, what’s the problem? Of course you date someone who has something in common with you, right? Well, with the increasing rates of interdating and intermarriage, how often is that commonality religion?

When you choose to date Jewish, you are saying that Judaism is important to you and that you must be with someone who can understand and share that. You are choosing to be with someone who has the same value system.

For those of you who cannot relate to that concept, you might be asking, "Why should I date someone Jewish? Why is it so important?"

The Conservative Movement has taken the following position on intermarriage:

"Our first line of defense is to emphasize the mitzvah of in-marriage. We must continue to articulate that it is important for Jews to marry other Jews to continue the ancient and historic mission of Judaism. This means that we must be willing to discuss the issue forthrightly from our pulpits, in our schools, and in our youth groups, with firmness but without rancor, sensitive to the pain borne by growing numbers of congregants who have intermarriages in their families. Our young people and their families must comprehend the direct relationship between interdating and intermarriage. If the message of the necessity for endogamy is not heard from the rabbi and the synagogue, then it will not be taken seriously anywhere…."

The uproar is not because we are intolerant of other faiths, or that we don’t approve of other religions; it’s the fact that we are trying to preserve a religion that is rapidly disappearing. We have a long history of persecution, tragedy and struggling, as well as strengths, achievements and victories…how can we let it vanish?

What am I trying to say now? Explore your Judaism for purely educational purposes…learn about it; figure out why it’s so special! With so many wonderful traditions and values, you might uncover something you like! I know many of you out there might have had a tragic Hebrew School experience which you feel set a precedent, but try giving it another chance. I can’t tell you what to do or how to do it, but try opening your minds and eyes. Respect your history, your past, by researching it for yourself. There could be an incredible person out there waiting to share his/her great values with you, but you won’t know until you take that chance.

This exploration is no simple task….you must start to ask yourself a series of questions to really understand where you want your Judaism to take you. Discovering yourself and building this kind of connection can’t happen because your mother, grandmother or whomever tells you to! You have to figure it out on your own and allow it to blossom within you.

Sources: http://www.rabassembly.org/info/intermar/#inmar

[Posted 6/16/04]