KOACH Humor

The Optimist Sees the Bagel,
the Pessimist sees the Hole

Excerpts from "Life's Little Jewish Instruction Book," by Leonard Sorcher

The optimist sees the bagel, the pessimist sees the hole.

If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish. 

Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.

The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

Always leave a little room for the Viennese table.

Always whisper the names of diseases.

If you don't eat, it will kill me.

Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.

Never take a front-row seat at a bris.

Prune Danish is definitely an acquired taste.

Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?

Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami Beach.

The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the street parking is suspended.

You need 10 men for a minyan, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.

A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight.

If you're going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for everyone else to hear.

No meal is complete without leftovers.

What business is a yenta in? Yours.

Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big Cadillac and eating dinner at four in the afternoon.

[Posted 6/7/05]