The Optimist Sees the Bagel,
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The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
Always leave a little room for the Viennese table.
Always whisper the names of diseases.
If you don't eat, it will kill me.
Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.
Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
Prune Danish is definitely an acquired taste.
Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami Beach.
The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the street parking is suspended.
You need 10 men for a minyan, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight.
If you're going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for everyone else to hear.
No meal is complete without leftovers.
What business is a yenta in? Yours.
Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big Cadillac and eating dinner at four in the afternoon.