Free to Be ... You & Me

By Alyssa Appelman
KOC Editor
University of Missouri, Columbia

I couldn't figure out why we were having such a hard time finding writers for this issue until I started brainstorming topics for my own article. Marriage. Not only is it a vague topic, but it's a difficult one to talk about with an unspecified, diverse audience. There are us single-folk who talk about marriage as a trap, rewatching episodes of Sex and the City to feel empowered by our freedom. There are the couples who rant about how old-fashioned marriage is in order to avoid commitment. Then there are the married people who pity the immature single people. It's easy to discuss confusion, fear, or hope when you're talking with friends, but what to say in a marriage article directed at strangers? So I'll just apologize in advance for offending you and/or your significant other, and I'll be honest with you about my views.

At shul a few weeks ago, our congregation celebrated a baby naming and a Bat Mitzvah. In both cases, my rabbi blessed the girls with long lives that lead them to the huppah. But why not pray for long lives that lead to happiness? Why is marriage still considered to be the ultimate marker of a successful and meaningful Jewish life?

I might be inadvertently quoting Carrie Bradshaw, but it seems that no matter how progressive our society gets, getting married is still considered to be an inevitable step in each of our lives. I just don't think it should be thought of in that way. It's not the institution of marriage that bothers me. What bothers me is the assumption that those who don't marry have somehow failed in the Jewish world.

Marriage just for the sake of marriage is such an archaic concept. Single men and women can work, make money, and adopt children. Why attach yourself to another person when it's not "ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love"? (Yes, I know that one's all Carrie.) And until we find that, what's the point in settling?

Check out A KOACH Love Story, by Shiri Bernstein, and The Jewish Wedding, by Rabbi Shalom Kantor, for their views. Be sure to read the CULTURE CORNER to hear about Jessica Fisher and Ilana Krakowski's spring break adventure in Nicaragua. See what's going on at UCLA's KOACH, and don't forget about our monthly joke.

I hope your semesters all ended well, and I hope you're having wonderful summers!

[Posted 6/4/08]