Passover Jokes

Moses was sitting in Goshen. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

"You, Moses, listen to me! I have good news and bad news."

Moses was staggered. The voice continued:

"You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release the Jews, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs"

"You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of locusts."

"You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaoh’s army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land."

Moses was stunned. He stammered, "That's.... that's fantastic. I can't believe it! --- But what's the bad news?"

"You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement."

Last winter was tough on many of Europe's root crops. A week before Passover the Jewish Community of Madrid found that the shipment of horseradish it had ordered from Bolivia would now not arrive until ten days after the Passover ended.

The community needed the horseradish for its traditional paschal ritual of marror, but they received the same reply from all the EU suppliers: "Sorry! No can do." In desperation, the Rabbi phoned one of his Yeshiva friends in Tel Aviv - who happened to be the second cousin of the mashgiach for Agrexco - and begged him to organize the dispatch of a crate of Israeli horseradish roots, by air-freight to Madrid.

It took the friend two days to organize, and two days before Passover, a crate of grade A tear-jerking Israeli horseradish roots was proudly loaded at Ben Gurion Airport onto the El-Al flight 789 to Madrid, and all seemed to be well.

Unfortunately when the Rabbi came to Madrid Airport to take the crate of Customs, he was informed that a strike had just broken out among the members of the airport's Transport and General Workers Union, and no shipments would be unloaded for at least four days.

So you see, "the chraine in Spain stayed mainly on the plane!"

During one of my many trips to London, I became friends with a very wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb. On one visit, Hy told me that because of his large donations to charities through the years, the queen wanted to knight him, but he was going to turn it down.

"That's a great honor," I said. "Why would you turn it down?"

"Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he said. "And I don't know any Latin.”

"So say something in Hebrew. The queen wouldn't know the difference."

"Brilliant," Hy complimented me, "but what should I say?"

"Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of Passover? ... Can you say that in Hebrew?"

"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh. Thank you, old sport, I shall become a knight."

At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while several of the other honorees went before the queen. Finally they called his name. He knelt before Her Majesty, she placed her sword on one shoulder and then on the other, and motioned for Hy to speak. Out came "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh."

The queen turned to her husband and said, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

[Posted 03/20/07]