That Ape Doesn't Look Quite Right to Me...

Dov is a Jewish actor, so down and out he's ready to settle for any acting gig that he can find. Finally he gets a lead, a classified ad that says: "Actor needed to play ape."

"I could do that, " says Dov. To his surprise, the employer turns out to be the local zoo. Owing to mismanagement, the zoo has spent so much money renovating the grounds and improving the habitat, that they can no longer afford to import the ape they needed to replace their recently deceased one. So until they can, they'll put an actor in an ape suit. Out of desperation, Dov accepts the offer.

At first, his conscience keeps nagging him, that he is being dishonest by fooling the zoo-goers. And Dov feels undignified in the ape-suit, stared at by crowds who watch his every move. But after a few days on the job, he begins to be amused by all the attention, and starts to put on a show for the zoo-goers: hanging upside-down from the branches by his legs, swinging about on the vines, climbing up the cage walls, and roaring with all his might whilst beating his chest. Soon, he's drawing a sizable crowd.

One day, when Dov is swinging on the vines to show off to a group of school kids, his hand slips, and he goes flying over the fence into the neighboring cage, the lion's den. Terrified, Dov backs up as far from the approaching lion as he can, covers his eyes with his paws, and prays at the top of his lungs, "Shma Yisrael....!" (Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one!)

The lion opens its powerful jaws and roars, "Baruch shem k'vod malchuto...!" (Blessed is the name of His glorious kingship forever and ever!)

"Shut up, you meshugenas," a panda bear mutters from a third cage. "You'll get us all fired!"

[Posted 11/26/03]