It's Time to Talk

By Alyssa Appelman
University of Missouri - Columbia
KOC Assistant Editor

I usually sit down at my computer and just start typing. A list of possible approaches to the month’s theme usually comes pouring out, and the hardest part is just choosing my favorite idea to run with. (Usually that’s the one with the media or pop culture reference, if you haven’t noticed.)

But this month has been much more challenging for me. I don’t have any personal anecdotes to go off of, no stories to share, and the Will and Grace analyses just seem trite.

But I think the real reason I’ve had a hard time approaching this month’s theme and coming up with a way to share my views on homosexuality in Judaism, is that it’s a subject not often discussed.

I consider myself to be a relatively active member of the Jewish communities in which I find myself. But throughout day schools, camps, youth groups, conferences, and discussions, I find that homosexuality is often ignored. Maybe teachers are afraid of coming across as insensitive. Maybe they’re afraid their students won’t be open to that discussion. Maybe it’s a combination of the two.

Whatever the reason, I sit here wondering how to give proper justice to the question that so many people have struggled to answer: How do you identify as gay within the Jewish community?

I believe that homosexuality and Judaism can coexist. No, coexist is the wrong word. To say that the two can coexist implies that they are distinct and contradictory forms of self-identification. But that’s not the case. I can say that homosexuality has a place in Judaism, but that also implies a kind of exclusivity, or dichotomy.

Maybe my experience is unique. Maybe all of you have had in-depth discussions at your Hillels and among your friends about what it means to be gay and Jewish. If so, then I hope you will share those ideas with others who have not been given that opportunity.

As society continues to evolve, I hope we can become more willing to talk. After all, how can we expect acceptance when we aren’t willing to communicate with one another?

I hope that you will find this month’s issue to be a piece of the conversation that needs to take place in order for our religion to evolve. And I hope we can collectively embrace the opportunity to share, to learn, and to grow.

[Posted 6/22/06]