Anti-Semitism in the Mirror

By Brielle Goodman
Johns Hopkins University
(KOACH-On-Campus Editor)

A year ago, when we chose anti-Semitism as the theme for Elul, I intended to tell you a story that had a dramatic impact on me. I'd had one experience with anti-Semitism and I wanted to make sure that everyone knew that anti-Semitism was in fact still a problem in this country. That last part is still my intent. However, my experience with anti-Semitism has changed in this last year. I have a more complex view of its unpleasantness. I've realized that anti-Semitism comes in many different forms, shapes and sizes.

My first experience was when I was 14 and I was told by a boy in my school that Hitler was a great guy and that he should finish his job for him. Over the next few months words escalated to actions and I was slammed against lockers and beaten up several times. I could no longer ride the bus to school or eat lunch on campus. The school administration was made aware of the situation, however, they chose to deny that anything was going on. So did the JROTC directors at the school, of which the boys were a part.

This experience made me want to take an active role in teaching people what Judaism is about, as well as teaching respect for all faiths. I taught Hebrew School for two years and both years I made it a point to teach acceptance of all faiths, regardless of what others think of you.

Later, I went to college on the East Coast. Wow, was that a new experience! I came from a Jewish community in California where we were all one huge family. Everyone was warm and caring and giving. There wasn't anything we wouldn't do for each other. My experience in Baltimore showed an entirely different face of Judaism, one that disappoints me to this day. I have never seen such maliciousness in my life! Jews deliberately lying to each other, simply to undercut each other. What a bastion of lashon hara (evil speech)! Very quickly, I came to hate Jews. I wanted nothing to do with them. I hated everything to do with Jews, because my experiences were so ugly. I stopped observing almost all holidays, didn't go to services.... I did nothing ritually related to Judaism. The only things shining any light on the Jewish faith and the Jewish people were my experience with my home congregation in San Diego and my cyber connection with KOACH. To this day, even though I don't live in San Diego anymore, that is my home community. That is where I turn when I want to connect to my Jewish roots. But for a brief moment in time, I was a Jew who hated Jews. I didn't hate Jews just because they were Jewish, I hated Jews because they seemed to me the most miserable people I'd ever met. And yet, I know that not all Jews are malicious people. I have come to feel sorry for the ones I met during that time, because they have lost sight of what being Jewish is about.

And now I'm working in Montana for the summer. I became close friends with someone. We'd sit and talk for hours. Eventually, I decided I could trust him and revealed that I was Jewish. Ever since then he's been trying to "save" me. It hit me that while his intentions might be good, and he may be oblivious to the fact, this is still a form of anti-Semitism. In effect, he's saying, "your faith is invalid, let me save you and you'll live in heaven for the rest of eternity." This really got under my skin and bothered me to no end. We'd been such close friends for a while. Now all he can see is that I'm a heathen. I called my rabbi and asked him for some advice. Two things he said really stuck. 1) Just shut him down. Tell him straight out that you don't accept Jesus, you never will, you are a Jew, period. 2) The second thing he did was direct me towards a website. I went to it and I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone dealing with proselytizing. It is www.jewsforjudaism.com. It gives all sorts of responses and tools to combat proselytizing.

Anti-Semitism still exists no matter where you go. The important thing is to hold your head high and remember what it means to be Jewish. We have much to be proud of and to rejoice in, even if we are imperfect. Don't ever let yourself get down because another person is ignorant about who you are and what you stand for. And remember, you are not alone.

[Posted 8/15/04]