A KOACH Love Story

By Shiri Bernstein
San Diego State University

http://shiriandsam.weddings.com

When I was asked to write an article about marriage, I was a little concerned about what I would write because I am not married, nor have I ever been married (Although, with God's help, I will be married in 186 days from this writing -- but who's counting?). So I got to thinking about what I could tell you about my engagement or love or possibly even the incredibly intensive wedding planning, all of which are very important procedures that lead to marriage, but none of which seemed too intriguing. So I thought, "Hey, why not just tell you a little KOACH love story." Now, I could tell you how my fiancee and I met at a KOACH program, went on Taglit Birthright Israel with KOACH, are getting married by KOACH's very own Rabbi Elyse Winick and lived happily ever after, but what fun would that be? So, instead I'd like to tell you a different kind of love story. A story that took a lot of KOACH, or rather strength.

I first met my fiancee at KOACH Kallah 2004 in Los Angeles (Sorry, I couldn't help the shameless plug.). During the past four years, our relationship has shown me that love is truly the most accurate measurement of strength there is. Although my fiancee and I both came from a Jewish background, we were brought up very differently. He's from the slow-paced, layed-back Midwest, while I'm from need-for-speed, no-time-to-breathe, New York. Although he's willing to spend his evenings and weekends watching movies and relaxing, I can't settle down until I've finished the book I'm reading or completed all (not one, but ALL) the tasks on my to-do list just for the sake of finishing it (or rather, achieving something).

My fiancee comes from a family that believes in survival-of-the-fittest and entrepreneurship. Working full-time and earning a good living are key to endurance. Whereas, I come from a family where education is vital and you cannot succeed in life without killing yourself in school to the fullest extent. This became our first challenge. I was about to graduate and ready to move into the working world while he was on the slow track to graduation, working full-time, supporting himself fully. I wanted to leave the West Coast for a job offer back home in New York, but this meant something would need to change and quickly! My fiancee (at that point, my boyfriend) would have to quit his job and transfer schools in order to continue our relationship. So the first major compromise was made. He quit his job, moved with me to New York, took out a few loans, buckled down and started going back to school full-time. But what would his family think? This is where the strength comes in ... . His family was highly concerned that he wouldn't be able to take care of himself. But he fought them down to the pulp because he believed his love for me would give him the strength and everything he needed to take care of himself. And boy was he right!

What we have both discovered over the years (not just from this one situation, but many others as well) is that love takes compromise and compromise takes strength (KOACH). As we are in the midst of all the crazy wedding plans (invitations, taste testing, seating arrangements, oh my!), I am reminded every day how lucky I am to be marrying a man who is as willing to compromise his world for me as I am for him. A man who would be willing to put his life on hold, if it meant letting me live mine the way I need to. But most of all, I am reminded how much stronger I have become in the past four years because I have found my other half, my bashert (at KOACH! Sorry, I couldn't resist ...).

Shiri Bernstein got her B.A in Business with an emphasis in Marketing from San Diego State University. Her need for a strong Jewish community and love of helping others, brought her to NYC, and her passion for marketing and event planning landed her a job at Manhattan Jewish Experience, a non-profit organization that runs social and educational programming for young Jewish professionals in their 20s and 30s. When Shiri's not sitting at her desk, she can be found with her nose in a good book or planning her wedding with her fiancee, Sam.

[Posted 6/4/08]