Is More the Goal?
One of my favorite quotes from Pirkei Avot, the “Sayings of the Fathers,” is, “Who is happy – one who is satisfied with one’s portion.” We are instructed to find happiness, contentment actually, with what we have. That is not to mean that we cannot strive for more or attain more in our lives. The difference is, though, taking pleasure from what we have now without the jealousy, the anxiety or pressure of needing to have more.
Periodically I read and view in the media the latest extravagance in birthday, bar/bat mitzvah or sweet sixteen parties. In some places and some social circles, these have reached beyond the norm of merely having fun, celebrating a life-cycle event or focusing on meaning for the child. Even first-year birthday parties have become large happenings with multitudes of guests and chaos surrounding the infant in the spotlight. In this particular situation, the child is too young to understand anything or receive any message other than being part of a tremendous crowd. For the other events, the developing child is given the message that more is better, money can buy friends and less is unsociable.
Many years ago, a teen in my community was part of a school class that was flown to Curacao for several days, housed at a hotel and entertained during that time to celebrate the bar mitzvah of a classmate. I was astounded by the expense lavished upon these young teens. Parties of this nature have become more commonplace. Hiring celebrity stars as the main attraction for a bar mitzvah simhah, or sailing on a luxury ship to celebrate a 16th birthday are not necessarily novelty events for a large number of teens.
When my twin grandchildren were turning one last year, my daughter considered throwing a party for them. Between just getting through each day as the mother of two babies, and questioning their need for such a party, she decided against the idea. Instead, she and I fed them dinner the day they turned one, and while they sat in their highchairs, we opened the cards and gifts that relatives had sent. Generally, the gifts were irrelevant to these infants, although my granddaughter did love the cards which she could hold, crush and chew! A few days later they “celebrated” in the presence of four grandparents and a set of greatgrandparents, digging into their first-ever piece of cake and swimming in their paternal grandparents’ Florida pool. This year we will take cupcakes to their program for 2’s. They still have many years ahead to be the center of attraction at birthday parties. For now, they are reaching the age of two with age-appropriate celebrations.
“Who is happy – one who is satisfied with one’s portion.”
I worked for many years in a pre-school which promoted the idea that giving is equally important to receiving. When a child of any age was celebrating his or her birthday at school, we suggested that the parent purchase a gift for the class. Sometimes it was a book selected from a supply which we kept on hand for that purpose. Sometimes it was an item that the teacher thought would enhance the activities in the classroom (such as a puzzle or a special toy). After the class sang “Happy Birthday” and enjoyed a birthday snack, the child presented the gift to the teachers. Parents liked the idea of giving to the school. Children learned that “my day” was more than just being about “me.”
As we celebrate the fall holidays that force us to focus on our lives and who we are in the world, let us think about how we can influence our children to make the world a little better through what we do and can become. We adults can take the lead in teaching children by modeling that more is not necessarily the goal. Finding contentment with one’s possessions, one’s home, and one’s activities is also significant. Giving, through tzedakah, friendship or family love can be a more important value than merely receiving and attaining.
