Helping Children Face a Crisis: Suggested Guidelines

As coverage of the situation in Iraq pervades society, it is probably fair to assume that fear and misunderstanding grow in the minds of our children. To help them with this, you may want to do the following:

• Mention that although some soldiers are wounded and some are killed, most soldiers return home O.K.
• Let them know you would be happy to answer any of their questions about the war.

While it is important for children to understand the seriousness of war and to hear your concern, it is important that they see a proper perspective from you. Children can get very upset if they feel that you are overly fearful or are having difficulty handling the situation. (Children deserve to be able to view the future with hope and optimism.)

Remember, by listening to our children’s concerns, ideas and fears, we can help them. First, we can clarify misconceptions and misinformation. Second, we can begin to help them put their feelings into perspective. The opportunity to talk, in and of itself, can be very helpful. The following guidelines may be useful.

• Allow some time for children to express their feelings. Many children will want to talk (and talk and talk) about what they have heard on the news or who they know in Israel or in the army. Others may need to express their fears through drawing, or other nonverbal media. Not everyone will want to talk. Some get great benefit from being listeners.
• It is most helpful if you simply listen. Avoid false reassurances such as, "Everything will be all right." Do reassure them that you will do all you can to make it as safe for them as possible and that the conflict is taking place very far away. Do feel free to say, "I don't know."
• Answer questions with simple, accurate information (but without going into morbid details). You may need to answer the same questions over and over as the child seeks reassurance and an understanding of the situation.
• Understand the kinds of fears and anxiety your child may be feeling. His/her fears are not realistic, but they are very real to him/her. Children may fear that their homes may be damaged or destroyed. We need to acknowledge these concerns.
• Be prepared for questions or comments regarding the situation in Iraq to pop up at unexpected times. If possible, answer briefly or else offer a chance at another time to talk about the situation.
• Be alert for signs of stress. In young children, these may include:
  • Physical ailments (stomach aches, headaches)
  • Sleep disorders (nightmares, excessive sleeping)
  • Regression to younger behavior (thumb-sucking, bedwetting, difficulty separating)
  • Unusual crying or tantrums
  • Inability to concentrate, poor school performance
  • Acting out by older children (risk-taking behavior, defiance, delinquent in homework or schoolwork)