Hearing Men's Voices: An FJMC Signature Initiative

by Robert E. Braitment, M.D.

It seems that every time I pick up a newspaper I read about a “community” defined by religion, gender, sexual preference, geography, socioeconomic group, or family profile. Each of these communities has its own set of special interests, its own agenda and unique needs. Yet we don’t often read about a community of men or, specifically, of Jewish men. What are our special interests, our unique needs, our challenges?

For millennia, Jews did not have to strain to hear men’s voices. With few exceptions, it was men’s voices that were heard reading and interpreting the law, writing the prayers and singing the psalms, chanting loudly and praying silently in the synagogue. The workplace, too, was the domain of men.

This is no longer the case, not in our everyday lives, and for many of us, not in our synagogues. After an extended period of thoughtful study and meditation within the Conservative movement, all the voices of our community are being heard in a melodious, if not always harmonious, egalitarian choir. For some men, the inclusion of their wives, mothers, daughters, and friends has been a liberating experience, enabling them to share with pride the most uplifting elements in our tradition. For others, this change has been difficult, too drastic a break with tradition.

Much of the gender liberation agenda has been focused on the secular world. The women’s movement placed issues of equality in the workplace – and in our world in general – into the forefront of our consciousness. At the same time, secular men’s groups have been springing up around the country. We have all read about men who attend retreats in the woods using drums and ceremonies to understand better their relationships to others.

What are we in the North American Conservative movement to make of all of this and how are we to demonstrate the relevance and worthiness of our own Jewish Men’s Clubs? Is there a way to re-focus these issues in a Jewish context?

Picture this:

A group of men in a circle, their arms linked as they stand shoulder to shoulder singing: “Hinei ma tov u’mah naim, shevat achim gam yachad” (See how good it is when brothers are together).

Their voices quiver; some are weeping.

What evoked such spontaneous camaraderie, emotion and trust?

It was the end of a session on fathers and sons led by Rabbi Seymour Rosenbloom at a recent convention of the Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs, the culmination of a remarkable morning focused on the challenges of being a Jewish man today.

At its 1997 Biennial Convention, FJMC first introduced its Hearing Men’s Voices initiative. Since then, these materials have revitalized men’s clubs across North America.

Our Fathers, Ourselves, the first installment, dealt with the core relationship with the person who provided most of us our initial inkling of what a man should be. Exploring this often conflicted relationship reveals where our concept of manhood comes from and what emotional needs it fulfills. “Lonely for my father,” begins a Robert Bly poem. Why are we lonely? What do we want from him? What do our sons and daughters need from us?

In the intervening years, other volumes have been added to the series. These publications, with directed discussions of such vital areas as our relationships to friends and lovers, the place of work in our lives, listening to God’s voice, men’s health, and intermarriage, are excellent guides for programming in Men’s Clubs and in the community. I believe that this refocused mission can enhance men’s roles in the synagogue and liberate men to be themselves. In future issues of CJ we will explore some of the issues raised in Hearing Men’s Voices.