Beyond Keruv to Edud
A New Way To Think About Intermarriage, Conversion, and Building Jewish Families
Boston, Massachusetts - December 6, 2005
Recent population studies have made it abundantly clear that the increased number of intermarried Jews in the past half century has permanently changed the texture of Jewish American life. Although the phenomenon is not as pronounced in Orthodox communities, intermarriage has had a profound impact on the vast majority of Jewish families. For years, many in the Jewish community hoped that the spike in the number of intermarriages could be greatly reduced. And I am pleased to report that most population studies have indicated that Conservative congregations, through the use of wide ranging initiatives, have been successful in lowering the intermarriage rate. Having acknowledged our success, however, we must recognize that in our open society, significant numbers of Jews will continue to intermarry.
For years, our debate about how best to relate to intermarried families has paralleled the Talmudic debate between Hillel and Shammai that is recounted in the Talmudic tractate of Shabbat (31a). A non-Jew approached Shammai and asked to be converted - but only if Shammai would teach him the entire Torah while the man stood on one foot. What did Shammai do? He impatiently pushed the non-Jew away. Shammai was not interested in welcoming him, or in making him feel comfortable. The same non-Jew went to Hillel, who responded, "That which is hateful to you, do not do unto your neighbor. That is the entire Torah" Hillel's attitude of welcome and openness describes the approach of newer voices in the Jewish community. There are growing numbers of initiatives to welcome intermarrieds. But our error is in limiting ourselves to the two approaches - either rejecting the intermarried or merely welcoming them, hoping to help them feel comfortable in our congregations.
I want to suggest today that the Conservative movement embark on a bold new initiative that reflects the long-ignored wisdom articulated at the end of Hillel's statement, that after telling the non-Jew that the essence of the Torah is: "Do not do unto others that which is hateful unto you," Hillel said, "Zeel g'mor" - "Now go and learn" the Torah. This message was a challenge - "Go and learn." But it was also an inspiration and encouragement. It was as if Hillel said, "I know you can learn the rest of the Torah and I will be here to support you. I will stand with you and help you."
Rejecting the intermarried family must not be our response. Welcoming and being open is a vital first step. Too often, we act as if being warm, welcoming, and supportive is our goal - that such behavior is sufficient to meet the challenge. It is not! Although attitudes of welcome and warmth are important and creating Jewish cultural and social connections should be applauded as vital first steps, these acts are hardly sufficient to guarantee Jewish survival. To achieve that end we must focus our outreach. Our goal must be to raise Jewish families.
Studies have demonstrated that in 96 percent of the homes in which there are two Jewish parents the children are raised as Jews. In only one third of homes with one Jewish parent are children raised as Jews. The current intermarriage rate is 22 percent for children with two Jewish parents, but in households where only one parent is Jewish that rate is a staggering 74 percent. The challenge for Conservative Judaism, therefore, is to refocus our efforts and our energy.
We must create Jewish families to ensure continuity and to create the Jewish renaissance of which we dream. But we also must inspire intermarried Jews to choose Judaism out of conviction that Jewish living will enrich their lives. Our outreach must reflect our values. We must become the movement that passionately encourages conversion and the raising of Jewish children.
In response to increased intermarriage the Jewish community has formulated a spectrum of initiatives that have been called "keruv," a Hebrew word whose root means "to bring close." As the word implies, keruv initiatives are aimed at bringing people closer to the synagogue, the Jewish community, and Jewish life itself. Keruv initiatives are founded in a change of attitude; conveying welcoming, openness, and warmth to all - but especially to the intermarried.
As important as keruv programs are, however, they never will be sufficient. Keruv, in and of itself, cannot create Jewish families. To realize that goal, both the Jewish and non-Jewish spouse must be more than welcomed. Both must be inspired. Keruv, in and of itself, will not result in interfaith families raising their children as Jews. To bring about that result, continuous encouragement is necessary. Keruv, in and of itself, will not bring about commitment to Jewish study, Jewish practice, and Jewish living. For that, we need to introduce a new concept into our lexicon. We need edud, which means encouragement, support, and inspiration.
My hope is that the emphasis of the Conservative movement will shift from "keruv" to "edud," to passionate encouragement, compassionate urging, and embracing support. Our challenge is not to replicate what other movements have created but to improve upon it, and to do so using an approach that reflects our values. Just as others are identified by their keruv to intermarrieds, let us become known by our edud.
Our program of edud must assert that being Jewish is being different. If a Jewish family is not special or distinguished from a non-Jewish family, what difference does it really make if the person or the family is Jewish or not? Edud must foster appreciation of the richness of Jewish living and the distinctiveness of Jewish values. For decades, we sought to demonstrate the similarities between Jews and non-Jews. Our challenge today is to teach about the ways in which we are different. For if we are so much alike, why is it important to be Jewish? We will fail to attract the uncommitted if our message is that "being Jewish and living Jewishly" is important only for amorphous, sentimental, or nostalgic reasons. We must inspire with the conviction that Jewish living will add richness, depth, and meaning to their lives. In a society that often seems to shy away from differences, we must demonstrate to potential Jews that being part of a Jewish family will make a difference to them. We must convince them that it will improve their lives.
There are those who suggest that we must make a choice either to promote in-marriage or to welcome the intermarried. This presumes that those two options are mutually exclusive. The Conservative movement is ina unique position to prove that we can do both. We must not permit the increased time and resources that we will devote to edud to diminish our efforts to be ardent advocates for in-marriage. Unless congregations and their clergy, educators and lay leaders make the case for in-marriage, both sensitively and convincingly, the message will not be heard. We must not forsake the intermarried. But neither may we permit ourselves to forsake the mitzvah - the commandment - of in-marriage. To be in the center is a challenge. But it is also an opportunity to create a sea change in American Jewish life by finding the strength and creating the resources to meet the demands on both sides of us. We must not react defensively to the Orthodox or the Reform. Let the world know that this is what Conservative Judaism stands for.
Effective edud will require Conservative congregations to welcome families of intermarrieds and then actively educate, by inspiring people to learn and grow. Personal contact and sensitive mentoring can encourage both potential and uncommitted Jews to go beyond mere Jewish identification and incorporate Jewish values and practice into daily life.
Many refer to intermarriages as "interfaith marriages." The error in that terminology is the presumption that each spouse brings a different faith and religious commitments to their marriage. That, of course, could present conflicts. But evidence demonstrates that many couples are not challenged by religious differences because they do not bring any faith or religion into their marriage, even if they call themselves Catholic, Protestant or Jewish - or Buddhist. Rather than being interfaith, these marriages are, as Rabbi Harold Schulweiss has noted, "interfaithless." Religious identity must not be merely a label that is inherited from parents or that is chosen casually. The values and attitudes with which a person lives life must reflect his or her religious identity if that identity is to be meaningful. The Conservative movement's contribution to this vital issue must be the recommitment to infusing Jewish living, Jewish practice, and Jewish faith into homes in which one spouse is not Jewish.
Our edud initiative must carefully craft a language that will encourage conversion. Understanding that non-Jewish spouses are potential Jews, we must learn how to inspire them so they will choose to become Jews. We must encourage and support the conversion of potential Jews into real Jews.
Welcoming the potential Jew into our midst is an important prerequisite to this challenge. But at the same time, we must be forthright in making clear that our goal is not only to welcome. If we believe that Jewish family life is important, let us say so sensitively and passionately. As Jews, we have a history of discouraging conversions; placing obstacles in front of potential Jews. If we want to create a vibrant Jewish life, we must modify that tactic. In recent years, with some tentativeness, we have begun to welcome conversions. Now we must do more. We must begin aggressively to encourage conversions of potential Jews who have chosen a Jewish spouse. And if conversion is initially rejected, we must continue to place it on the agenda. Just because someone is not ready at one moment, we must not infer that the rejection is permanent. With patience, support, education, and edud, the potential Jew eventually may elect to join the Jewish community.
The edud solution is neither a program nor a series of programs. Rather, it must be an approach; a way of relating. It must result in a transformation of culture that will be reflected in all that we do. Each congregation with its clergy and its lay leadership must make inspiring the creation of Jewish families and the raising of Jewish children a priority. Although we must do more to inspire every Jewish youth and adult to embrace Jewish commitments, our edud initiative will direct special attention to families with potential Jews or new Jews by choice. Although they may not respond to a general announcement for religious services, educational programs, or congregational events, those potential or non-Jews may respond to personal invitations. Clergy and lay leadership can stimulate positive responses through personal visits and telephone calls with the goal of inspiring and encouraging participation in experiences that will enrich Jewish identity and behavior. Focused and direct encounters with youngsters may provide the stimulus for them to participate in Kadima or USY programs or attend Camp Ramah. Edud will require us to do more to inspire those we want to attract.
It is hard to convert to a new religion and culture. Learning and adopting the values and practices of a new religion is difficult. The meaningful adoption of a new faith is a gradual process. We have erred in treating conversion as an end, as if it were the conclusion of the process. The edud initiative must transform conversion from the final step on a journey into a milestone, albeit an important one, on a pathway that marks the entry into Jewish life. Once the potential Jew converts, edud mandates that we encourage the new Jew by choice and his or her spouse to grow in Jewish commitment. In the past, our metaphor for this growth has been a ladder. It is rooted in the ladder that the angels climbed in Jacob's dream. The Hebrew word used in that biblical narrative is "sulam."
We have accepted the image based upon the common translation of "sulam" as "ladder." A ladder usually is steep. It often is hard to climb and frequently is unsteady. Climbing a ladder often is anxiety inducing. I want to suggest an alternate understanding of the word "sulam" for our new edud initiative. The biblical commentator Ibn Ezra comments on the building of Noah's ark (Genesis 6:16). After describing the ark's dimensions and where the openings were, he writes "V'hayah oleh elav b'sulam" "Noah would climb to the ark on a sulam." It is unlikely that Noah would have the animals ascend to the ark by a ladder. Elephants, camels, and cows would find it impractical to climb a ladder, even with his help. So perhaps sulam does not mean "ladder" after all. Perhaps it means a ramp. A ramp, with its gradual incline, provides a more appropriate metaphor for the goal we want to achieve.
We must inspire people to ascend to higher levels of Jewish commitment gradually, at a modest but steady rate. They must be secure in the knowledge that they will not fall because we will be there to support them.
It is with all this in mind that I charged a special committee chaired by Dr. Carnot Nelson and directed by Rabbi Moshe Edelman to develop a broad based instrument of advice and counsel for use by our movement's congregations, Solomon Schechter Day Schools, and other institutions. They have worked diligently to produce a consensus document known as Al Ha-Derekh, which you will receive today. Although the edud initiative does share elements with other approaches, it is distinguished in six ways:
- The edud initiative is a priority commitment to aggressively promote and inspire in-marriage while passionately fostering outreach to households where at least one member is not Jewish.
- The edud initiative is targeted to welcoming people - both Jews and non Jews - into synagogues. Its ultimate goal is creating Jewish families based upon standards of halakha.
- The edud initiative is committed to passionately and compassionately inspiring the conversion of the non-Jewish spouse. Conversion is an important milestone on a journey of lifelong learning and religious growth. It is not the end of the road. We commit ourselves to support the new Jew by choice in finding religious fulfillment as a Jew.
- Because halakha rejects patrilineal descent, the edud initiative is committed to special outreach that will inspire the conversion of children whose father is Jewish and whose mother is not. We are committed to focus our directed energy to mixed religion households, so that the children are not only raised as Jews but also are inspired to live as Jews.
- The edud initiative will inspire potential Jews and Jews by choice to continue to grow in their Jewish commitment by showing them how their lives will be enriched through Jewish values and behavior.
- For generations our ancestors sought to teach Jews how to be North Americans by emphasizing the ways in which we are similar to the rest of society. The edud initiative will emphasize the ways in which we are different from our neighbors in order to motivate the deliberate choice of Jewish living. The edud initiative will teach North American Jews how to be Jews.
The Conservative movement is blessed with a richness of resources -thoughtful scholars, creative educators, devoted administrators committed laity, dynamic congregations and untapped wealth. There is no doubt in my mind that we are poised to creatively transform the challenge before us into an opportunity to reshape our congregations and the landscape of Jewish life. Let it not be said of us that we squandered our potential because we focused on obstacles rather than opportunities. Rather let us be praised for implementing a renewed vision of Jewish life because we seized the opportunities and transformed them into success.
