USCJ Review - Spring 2005
A "Journey" for the Whole Family
Major events in the life of a middle school student include getting braces and/or contact lenses and celebrating one's bar or bat mitzvah. In fact, the bar mitzvah is the one Jewish life-cycle event that occurs during one's formative school years. Families receive their "date" from the synagogue; tutors are assigned; and sixth and seventh graders begin their training for the big day.
The b'nai mitzvah experience affects the whole family. Upon receiving the assigned date -- often two to three years beforehand -- parents begin to assess where their child is Jewishly and where he/she needs to be on the monumental day when he/she will publicly affirm commitment to the Jewish people. At the Epstein School, Solomon Schechter School of Atlanta, we saw a great opportunity to involve families, the school and the students in learning experiences that begin in elementary school and culminate with b'nai mitzvah.
Students need to be comfortable with prayer in the context of a service and to understand the deep meaning behind the Hebrew words. They need to be able to use the traditional tunes (trope) of the Torah reading and to be confident on the bimah. They need to be able to read the Torah text with understanding, interpret the text through the wisdom of the Sages and to give a d'var Torah. They need to feel the connection between what they are learning at school and synagogue life. Family members need to understand the service, play a role in it, and be able to discuss the Torah portion.
Preparing Students in Elementary School
Preparation begins in preschool. Students participate in tefillah experiences in the classroom that include Shabbat tunes. By first grade, students will learn how to read primary prayers to the daily tunes and begin to work on prayers using the Shabbat tunes. Hagigat Hasiddur -- when the students receive their own siddur, decorated by the parents -- is an important milestone. In second grade, students learn Havdallah and study its meaning. In third grade, they learn trope as well as the Rosh Hodesh reading in the Torah. Fourth-grade students begin to learn Rashi script, and fifth-grade students learn about leadership and increase their leadership roles in tefillah.
Preparation goes beyond the tefillah experience. Throughout the years, students will tap into Jewish learning experiences and conversations that explore how God, Torah and Israel affect who we are and how we live.
Educating and Preparing
Parents Preparing parents begins when their children enter preschool. Our offerings include a Hebrew literacy class, weekly Torah study, siddur 101, a Jewish Book Club, Course 13, a weekly spirituality class, and more. The adult classes provides opportunities for parents to fill in gaps that they may very well be longing to fill. Two programs, in particular, haved proved especially successful for parents during the b'nai mitzvah year: Course 13 and Nediv Lev.
Course 13. Course 13 is a monthly class that begins to explore many of the questions begging to be answered as parents plan for the bar/ bat mitzvah. Beginning with the history and meaning of the event and continuing through the study of values through the lens of core Jewish texts, the course challenges adult students to think about personal priorities and ideologies. It also creates community. In the safety of family homes, the conversations are open as parents decide upon communal norms of what can or cannot be expected of families whose children are in the bar/bat mitzvah "circuit," going from synagogue to synagogue and party to party week after week. Learning does not stop after Course 13. One class has been together for six years.
Nediv Lev. Three years ago, Course 13 participants decided that the gift exchange was not reflecting their values.Using models of tzedakah programs from other schools, the parents created a program called Nediv Lev, whereby families give $10-$18 per child who participates in the program in lieu of gifts. A parent committee was formed to plan the program. Students would be given back 50% of the money as a personal gift and would be able to spend 50% of the money towards tzedakah.
What began with the class of 2002 has continued. This year's seventh-grade class has 90% participation in this project. Each student receives a check for $400 and has $400 to spend on "Voting Day." It is the philanthropic process leading up to the vote that makes the program so valuable. Meeting in small groups with parent facilitators, the students research and report on organizations they have chosen. After three meetings, the students gather together for a Sunday evening conference, where they display their data on posters and give oral presentations. They will have a month to talk it over amongst themselves before voting. This is authentic philanthropy, as students learn how to present their causes and appeal to others.
On "Voting Day," each student may distribute his/her money into the jars. Some choose to give all of the money to one organization, while others meticulously distribute it according to their chosen formula. This year, a total of $25,000 will go out to various organizations. These students can take pride in making a difference.
Preparing Students in Middle School
Preparation for the b'nai mitzvah experience is heightened in middle school. Comfortable with daily prayer, able to use trope to read Torah, the students are now ready to learn the mitzvah of tefillin and tallit. Eighth-grade students show the seventh graders how to wear tefillin. The ritual practices are enhanced as the students gain meaning through an in-depth study in their Rabbinics class, which focuses on the rituals and ceremony of the bar mitzvah.
Preparing for their speeches is a learning experience that encourages students to interact with the Torah text. The bar/bat mitzvah begins thinking about his/her Torah portion and raises an issue for further study. The study is followed by the crafting of a speech, which is reviewed by the Middle School principal.
All of the preparations come together on either the Monday or Thursday morning preceding the bar/bat mitzvah, when the student leads the school minyan service, reads from the Torah, and gives a dvar Torah highlighting either a question or issue from the weekly portion they have prepared. This moment is the opening curtain that frames the total b'nai mitzvah experience. Parents, siblings, and grandparents attend the service. Friends of the bar or bat mitzvah compose some sort of song or cheer, and the principal speaks personally to the student. Parents provide a special kiddush - usually cookies or candy bars.
The b'nai mitzvah learning process prepares the student for a lifetime. Following the event, they are expected to take on adult responsibilities. The students become regular Torah readers and leaders of the school minyan and are prepared to lead services in the community.
Partnership with Parents
The preparation does not stand on the shoulders of the school alone. Partnership with parents is key to creating a unified communal experience. Parents attend two compulsory meetings to learn aboutb'nai mitzvah and to discuss common issues. Years ago, a group of parents and a local rabbi composed a set of school guidelines. The understanding is that since so many of our students are invited to each bar or bat mitzvah, the events are quasi-school events. As such, we are concerned that kosher food be served, Shabbat be observed, and that all students be invited. The lessons of inclusion which are embedded in the philosophy and practices at school become woven into the behavior of families and the community.
The two meetings are educational,as parents study about tefillin, learn how to help write a d'var Torah, and experience making tallitot with their children. Issues of party and synagogue behavior, appropriate dress, adequate supervision and group parties are also on the agenda. Parents working together have used these meetings to network with each other and to create standards for behavior. As a result of these meetings, more and more families are joining together for group parties that are centered on sports activities such as rock climbing, bowling, swimming and skating. We have found that children prefer these over the formal dinner/dance parties.
The process of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah is a journey. The Epstein School understands that the journey takes time and requires educational planning for both the student and for the family. While the journey culminates with an"event," the process signifies a life-long commitment to the Jewish way of life.
Janet Shatten is the Family Educator/Elementary Judaic Coordinator, and Myrna Rubel is Middle School Principal, at The Epstein School in Atlanta, Georgia.
